Hard.

Looking at old pictures is hard. Seeing how thin I was and how sick I was. It's hard seeing yourself like that. Having a tube in your nose for seven months with the stares you get that make you so frickin insecure its crazy. The I wish thoughts that flooded my mind when I was in public. The word I can describe this whole experience is hard. When I would cry with my mom and she would tell me that things would get better. But, sometimes it seemed things were never going to get better. The stares, the side whispers, the questions, and the looks that you knew exactly what they were thinking when you saw their faces: Freak. It broke me. I was in a hole and the more I tried to climb out the more I was getting buried deeper. All of this has made me who I am today. The harsh looks and comments broke me but when I put the pieces together again I was stronger then ever. The looks the meant nothing anymore as long as I held my head high. I soon got better after 40 pounds now and still going strong. But when I have to make another decision it feels like i'm back in that hole. Sometimes I want to stay there and ignore the rest of the world and my responsibilities but that cant happen. As a 15 year old girl I never imagined having to worry about this stuff, about medications or treatments. I just want to be that 15 year old girl who can worry about school and work and friends and the latest gossip. These things are silly but when you have bigger things to worry about you wish you didn't have to. But, going through this whole experience has made me stronger. It's made me who I am today. Even though I wish I didn't have this sickness or disease, I realized that wishing wasn't going to get me anywhere. You just have to stand up be strong and climb your way out of that hole. I just wanted to take a second to thank everyone who has helped me climb out of the hole that I was getting buried in. It really means a lot. So thank you for giving me the courage and support to keep my head held high and the strength to keep going.